Why Want Diapers?
The reasons why people desire to wear diapers and/or be treated as a baby are as diverse as the people themselves. Those with these desires are collectively called adult babies and diaper lovers (or ABDLs). As a first step towards diagnosis, let's divide the AB/DLs into four groups. There are two overlapping groups with only one symptom, a desire to wear diapers and/or be a baby. This desire is specific and persistent, and might be troubling. This group might be broadly diagnosed with paraphilic infantilism, a diaper fetish, or both. Next, there are those who might also enjoy diapers or babyhood, but don't have a deep and specific desire for them. Finally, there are those with multiple symptoms, including those desires. This first step might be the only practical one, except for those with multiple symptoms.
Diaper Fetishism and Infantilism
ABDLs with only the one symptom might have infantilism, diaper fetishism, or both. Diaper fetishism is, of course, a fetish where the erotic focus is on diapers. Infantilism is basically the desire to dress as and be treated as a baby. It was briefly yet formally defined by the American Psychiatric Association in 1987. Both are categorized as paraphilias.
Both infantilism and diaper fetishism are single-symptom diagnoses, like "headache" and "joint pain" were once. Since desiring diapers or babyhood isn't that serious medically, there has been little research. ABDLs seldom need or seek medical help. In the future, they might be divided into proper syndromes, where clusters of symptoms are used to differentiate between specific conditions.
Is Being an Adult Baby / Diaper Lover OK?
Perhaps the greatest need for Adult Babies and/or Diaper Lovers (ABDLs) is that of acceptance. An ABDL may spend years, or decades learning to accept him or herself. He (or she) may conceal these desires from family, friends, wife, and church, because of the fear of rejection. Like the square peg, ABDLs don't fit in.
They are up against a cultural bias. This bias is so ingrained that it has become invisible. Square pegs won't fit in round holes, but why do we presume that this is the peg's fault? Why is it the peg's fault for being square, and not the hole's fault for being round?
To complicate matters, the distinction between what a person is and what a person does is blurred. They are intertwined, but they are not the same. Even if an ABDL finds his infantilism or diaper fetish unacceptable, he needs to be able to accept himself. Our culture has few precedents of this, and so it is difficult. The difficulty of being different is one reason why so many try to be the same. However unfair it may be, it is the ABDL who has to deal with acceptability.
Acceptance of Self
The first battle must be fought internally. Like most ABDLs, I went through many cycles of trying to be "normal," and failing. This failure came from fighting the wrong foe. I struggled for "self control" while not realizing that this culture was controlling me. I needed to take control by choosing my course; to break away from the careless cage . Like all infantilists, I needed to question whether infantilism is right or wrong for me. Don't blindly assume that being different is wrong. This search could be helped by asking the advice of others, but it's final conclusion had to be mine.
Fortunately, this question could be broken down into more specific questions. This results in a sort of questionnaire on acceptability.
The next step was to set goals and a path of reconciliation. The goals should be carefully determined. Avoid doing anything rash, extreme, or permanent. They are usually regretted in time. The goals should achievable, not overly optimistic or idealistic. They also must include a way to recover, and get back on track. This path of reconciliation is necessary, because the comic book heros that our culture idealizes only occur in comic books. Real people can be heroic, but they sometimes fall short. Realistic plans include goals and a path of reconciliation.
After evaluating our position, choosing our course, and earnestly pursuing it, we won't be perfect. However, we will be able to accept ourselves.
Acceptance by Others
Having addressed the peg, the infantilist, now we consider the hole. Like most, I used to fear condemnation as a pervert. However, this hasn't come to pass. The people that I've spoken with were surprisingly open-minded about it. (Of course, I was in California.) Most had questions, but were willing to ask them.
Infantilism is still an awkward point. There is a constant concern about who I should let know that I'm different. It would be so much simpler if I weren't. But I don't have the option of being merely normal, so I must pursue being exceptional. Once I stopped worrying about being "normal," I realized that we are all the same. Each person needs to come to terms with who he is and what he does. Each person needs to find -or make- a place where he fits in. Every person can be accepted, although some need to seek it harder than others.
The reasons why people desire to wear diapers and/or be treated as a baby are as diverse as the people themselves. Those with these desires are collectively called adult babies and diaper lovers (or ABDLs). As a first step towards diagnosis, let's divide the AB/DLs into four groups. There are two overlapping groups with only one symptom, a desire to wear diapers and/or be a baby. This desire is specific and persistent, and might be troubling. This group might be broadly diagnosed with paraphilic infantilism, a diaper fetish, or both. Next, there are those who might also enjoy diapers or babyhood, but don't have a deep and specific desire for them. Finally, there are those with multiple symptoms, including those desires. This first step might be the only practical one, except for those with multiple symptoms.
Diaper Fetishism and Infantilism
ABDLs with only the one symptom might have infantilism, diaper fetishism, or both. Diaper fetishism is, of course, a fetish where the erotic focus is on diapers. Infantilism is basically the desire to dress as and be treated as a baby. It was briefly yet formally defined by the American Psychiatric Association in 1987. Both are categorized as paraphilias.
Both infantilism and diaper fetishism are single-symptom diagnoses, like "headache" and "joint pain" were once. Since desiring diapers or babyhood isn't that serious medically, there has been little research. ABDLs seldom need or seek medical help. In the future, they might be divided into proper syndromes, where clusters of symptoms are used to differentiate between specific conditions.
Is Being an Adult Baby / Diaper Lover OK?
Perhaps the greatest need for Adult Babies and/or Diaper Lovers (ABDLs) is that of acceptance. An ABDL may spend years, or decades learning to accept him or herself. He (or she) may conceal these desires from family, friends, wife, and church, because of the fear of rejection. Like the square peg, ABDLs don't fit in.
They are up against a cultural bias. This bias is so ingrained that it has become invisible. Square pegs won't fit in round holes, but why do we presume that this is the peg's fault? Why is it the peg's fault for being square, and not the hole's fault for being round?
To complicate matters, the distinction between what a person is and what a person does is blurred. They are intertwined, but they are not the same. Even if an ABDL finds his infantilism or diaper fetish unacceptable, he needs to be able to accept himself. Our culture has few precedents of this, and so it is difficult. The difficulty of being different is one reason why so many try to be the same. However unfair it may be, it is the ABDL who has to deal with acceptability.
Acceptance of Self
The first battle must be fought internally. Like most ABDLs, I went through many cycles of trying to be "normal," and failing. This failure came from fighting the wrong foe. I struggled for "self control" while not realizing that this culture was controlling me. I needed to take control by choosing my course; to break away from the careless cage . Like all infantilists, I needed to question whether infantilism is right or wrong for me. Don't blindly assume that being different is wrong. This search could be helped by asking the advice of others, but it's final conclusion had to be mine.
Fortunately, this question could be broken down into more specific questions. This results in a sort of questionnaire on acceptability.
The next step was to set goals and a path of reconciliation. The goals should be carefully determined. Avoid doing anything rash, extreme, or permanent. They are usually regretted in time. The goals should achievable, not overly optimistic or idealistic. They also must include a way to recover, and get back on track. This path of reconciliation is necessary, because the comic book heros that our culture idealizes only occur in comic books. Real people can be heroic, but they sometimes fall short. Realistic plans include goals and a path of reconciliation.
After evaluating our position, choosing our course, and earnestly pursuing it, we won't be perfect. However, we will be able to accept ourselves.
Acceptance by Others
Having addressed the peg, the infantilist, now we consider the hole. Like most, I used to fear condemnation as a pervert. However, this hasn't come to pass. The people that I've spoken with were surprisingly open-minded about it. (Of course, I was in California.) Most had questions, but were willing to ask them.
Infantilism is still an awkward point. There is a constant concern about who I should let know that I'm different. It would be so much simpler if I weren't. But I don't have the option of being merely normal, so I must pursue being exceptional. Once I stopped worrying about being "normal," I realized that we are all the same. Each person needs to come to terms with who he is and what he does. Each person needs to find -or make- a place where he fits in. Every person can be accepted, although some need to seek it harder than others.